What up from Ohio

Hey there! Well, we’ve sure crossed a bunch of state lines since I last posted. We’re really trying to get to White Plains, NY by tomorrow night. We have about 650 miles left. No problem. Man, these marathon driving sessions, mostly in the rain, have worn me out. I’ve been too pooped to post lately. I’m feeling a little that way tonight, but I’ve been meaning to tell you guys a story about Elk City, Oklahoma.

Ok, so, exhausted after about a 9 hour driving jag, we pulled into a place that looked like somewhere out of a B horror movie that touted a 22.99 per night price tag. We could risk a little creepy for cheap rooms. Nah-uh. We walked into a foul smelling lobby to be greeted by a woman with dark circles under her eyes. She had this odd way of communicating. She informs us that the discount rooms are full, remember? That there is no smoking, remember? That our rooms can’t be next to each other, remember? And it’s cash only, remember? I wanted to tell her naw, I don’t remember what I haven’t already been told! Bitch was crazy! But we signed up. She didn’t want to see I.D.’s I later reflected back and realized that there would have been no evidence we were ever there.

Then, there were the rooms. Who out there has ever seen the movie, No Vacancy? Straight up. Luis checked his room and discovered the windows, screenless, also had no locks. He requested another room, and funny, suddenly the one next to mine WAS available after all. Funny thing about that one, it had this funky cut out door on the wall leading to the room next door to him. There was no lock on this door, just a wire loop fixed to the door that went round a nail in the wall. Meanwhile, I was checking out my room. Like his, there were no locks on any of the windows. In fact, the actual deadbolt on the front door had been removed, leaving a useless latch. The door didn’t lock at all. It had the same wire set up that was on the mysterious kidney snatcher door in Luis’s room.  I decided that if I came across a cut out door, we was the f*$@ out. What do you know, I found one, oompa loompa size, right by my bed. Uh-uh. F that noise. I caught Luis returning from his second trip to the lobby and informed him of my reservations. He was quick to agree that we needed to go. 15 minutes later we were pulling into a Motel 6 with almost all our money back, all our organs intact and no trace that we were ever at Bates Motel. Remember?

Posted on: 04.19.10

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